A New Baby Isn’t Just Hard on Parents

Something we didn’t really think about until the very end of our second pregnancy was how much it would affect our first child.

Pam was active both pregnancies — literally working out until the day of induction — but round two hit harder. She slowed down a lot near the end. Combine that with a toddler already running around the house, and it was a whole different game.

Thankfully, her mom came to stay — about eight weeks before our son was born and stuck around until he was three months old. Yeah, long visit. But we needed her. Pam’s energy was gone by early afternoon most days. Sleeping terribly + pregnant + toddler = exhausted mama. So our daughter spent most of her time with Grandma.

And me? I was working. Like 80 hours a week working. We didn’t exactly plan the timing (thanks, super sperm). The due date landed smack in the busiest stretch of my year. More on that in another post.

So, our daughter didn’t get the same attention she was used to. She knew “Mama had a baby in her belly,” but she had no idea what that really meant. We felt guilty — like she was being pushed aside. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, just life happening all at once.

When our son finally arrived, we tried to make it special. We brought her to the hospital, and gave her her presents — some from us, some “from her new brother.” She loved it. For like a day. Then the presents lost their magic, and reality set in: this baby wasn’t going anywhere.

She struggled. She acted out and threw tandrums. She wanted attention exactly when he needed it most — probably on purpose. Thankfully Grandma was still there to help, but you could see the confusion in her eyes. The world she knew had changed overnight.

Eventually, time did its thing. She began to understand what “her brother” really was, and what being a “big sister” meant. But we still have moments where she’s fighting for attention — and probably will for years to come.

Looking back, we knew adding another baby would change everything for us. What we didn’t realize was how much it would change everything for her. We thought giving her a sibling would instantly be a gift. Turns out, it was — just not right away. Some things take time, and that’s okay.